JohnGibbonsComedy

Retro Gaming Month Continues!

And here are my most memorable retro games. Remember, I’m not saying these are the best. Oh lord, some of these are just down right shit piles, but they the games that stick out in my memory before I really understood what a video game was.

5. Empire Strikes Back

Okay okay, this game sucks. I know. But man oh man, do I remember it sucking. The hours I spent as an idiot child, with eyes full of tears, nose full of mucus, and lungs filled with the whaling of ignorance crying for “more!” will haunt my nightmares forever. To a kid, it was like a shot in the rocks to take a movie as beloved as Empire and turn it into a game (games of course also being loved) and then give the most bland, repetitive, unsatisfying gaming experience of my youth. Oh well, at least this asshole wasn’t in it.

4. Galaga

Ship!? Lazers!?! BUG SHIPS!?!
Omg, I had no idea what to make of this game, but as a kid, it was total nerd-boner eye candy. Space? Love it. Space Ships? Love those too! Enemies that look like the Insecticons? Holy shit, Mom, give me the god damn quarter!
And I’m not alone in this regard. This is one of those classic that became a piece of classic 80’s culture.

3. Q-Bert

Not a common favorite, but to me this was very memorable.  Mainly because it was all about a cursing testicle that seems to have gotten lost in the third dimension.  I was hella young when I first play this, so having my parents explain to me what he was doing when he died or got hit by the snake was, as sad as it is to say, how I learned about curse words.  I wonder what he was really saying…

2. Donkey Kong

I actually didn’t play this one very much because once Super Mario Bros. came out, I didn’t see much point.  But, none the less, I’ll never forget seeing Mario and Donkey Kong, two characters that went on to be the biggest names in gaming, in their most primitive form.  Also, this is the first platformer I ever played.

1. PacMan

Holy Shit, this fucking game was EVERYWHERE.  It didn’t matter where I went, a PacMan cabinet was there.  I could go for pizza, to the skate rink, baseball games, bowling alleys, and laundry mats all had PacMan at the ready.  The Atari version looked like shit, but the arcade version was really slick looking.  The dark backgrounds, bright characters, and goal of eating all the dots that humans recognize precognitively, made PacMan the most memorable retro game of my childhood.